The Sunday Giveaway: Two Tickets to Forbidden Broadway!

 

For the past year, something just hasn’t felt right on Broadway.

Some say it was the weather.  Some say it was the massive amounts of construction in Times Square.

I say it was that for the first time in decades, Forbidden Broadway wasn’t running.

But fear not, fellow Shubert Alley Citizens, FB is back, and poking fun at us all and keeping our (enormous) egos in check.

This brand new production of Forbidden Broadway has been in previews at a theater that bears a certain blogger’s surname (that’s right The Davenport!) since February 22nd and officially opens on May 4th.

Why the long preview process?  Why, to make sure they could see every single one of the new musicals opening this spring so they could spread the lampooning amongst them all.

Expect bits about Bridges, and Rocky and my favorite, the good ol’ Les Miz parody. (“At the end of the play, you’re another day older!”)

And one of you can expect to go for free because we’ve got two tickets to give away!

Here’s how you win:

FB parodies musicals.  Now it’s your turn.

Pick a show lyric.  Any lyric.  Rewrite it, making fun of that musical.

My favorite wins.

Good luck!

 

(Got a comment? I love ‘em, so comment below! Email Subscribers, click here then scroll down to say what’s on your mind!)
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Comments
  • Kevin says:

    It doesn’t make fun of The Producers, but I couldn’t resist:

    I WANT TO BE A PRODUCER,
    AND GET KINKY ON BROADWAY

    I WANT TO BE A PRODUCER,
    PUT TYNE DALY IN MY PLAY

    I WANT TO BE A PRODUCER,
    MAKE NOEL COWARD’S SPIRIT SHINE

    I WANT TO BE A PRODUCER,
    AND ADAPT SOMEWHERE IN TIME

  • Ridiculous…for a young cute pop starlet to hit pitches sung by Osnes
    Ridiculous…to expect that stunt casting will forever fix show grosses

    And YouTube stars will never be Tony noms
    Such pandering to Jersey teens and moms…Ridiculous!

    But the world is full of tourists and schools
    Who travel here as busloads of fools
    And don’t believe what folks in the chatrooms say

    And because those daft and dewey eyed dopes keep buying up the tickets you know
    Ridiculous…casting choices on Broadway!

  • Oh I think Kevin should win. That was great!

  • Eleah Burman says:

    Every single day
    I walk down broadway street
    I hear New Yorkers say
    “Fuck you” thinking I’m a tourist It’s so sweet?

    Ever since puberty
    Everybody stares at me
    Pimples, pimples
    Clearasil can’t help it baby

    So be kind
    And don’t lose your mind
    Just remember
    That I’ll learn in my twenties

    Take me for what I am
    Who I was meant to be
    And if you give a damn
    Take me baby or leave me
    Take me baby or leave me

  • Bert says:

    “Velveeta Peron…a blend of many cheeses”

  • LARRY ABRAMSKY says:

    Isn’t it a bitch?
    Isn’t it weird,
    Losing my marbles this late
    In my career?
    And where are my lines?
    There used to be lines.
    Well, maybe next Lear.

  • Nathan Clift says:

    (sung to the tune of the “There may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer” verse of “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend”)

    There may come a time when you croak in the chorus
    But tea will be your very best friend
    There may come a time when you hard earned solo sounds just like a goat
    But drink that tea or don’t sing with me!
    Tea will rise when throats are dry
    And we all try to sing till the end
    But high voice or low voice
    This drink will help your voice!
    Tea will be your very best friend!

  • Brandon Suisse says:

    I think it’s kinda awesome that IF/THEN is basically a mix of the stars of RENT and ONCE ON THIS ISLAND. So this might be a little outside the scope of the project, but here are my top five tracks from RENT/ISLAND:

    5. Waiting For Life Support
    4. One Small Song, Glory
    3. Today 4-ever Yours
    2. The Tango Ti Moune
    and who can forget that rousing Caribbohemian anthem:
    1. La Vie Beauxhomme

  • Helene Galek says:

    I dreamed a dream that Broadway would…
    give birth to a brand new show…….
    I dreamed that someone had the nerve…
    and did not choose a tried and true show….

    But the fear comes in the night
    that the profits would just shrink so
    And they dust off those old shows
    Like Les Miz that just won’t clo oh oh oh ose.

  • CopaCabana says:

    When you got a dozen boyz stompin & tappin,
    who can squeeze a lousy line of dialogue in?

    And the world will know!
    That the Tony-winning choreographer is to blame.
    And we got a ton of smelly Dr. Scholls to prove our claim.

    (with apologies to Newsies-Original Broadway Cast – The World Will Know)

  • Cindy S. says:

    “Seamless”, sung to the tune of “Maria” from WSS. Cause us New Yorkers love the ease of a good Seamless.com delivery 😉

    Seamless, I just ordered food off of Seamless
    And suddenly I’ve found
    How wonderful no sound can be
    Seamless
    I just ordered pizza off Seamless
    And suddenly my gang
    can eat and play and hang with me!
    With Seamless-
    Order food while your gang is playing
    (lowers voice)
    Use your card, it’s like you’re not even paying
    Delivery,
    I’ll never stop paying for Seamless.
    Seamless, Seamless…
    *twirls around in a NYC alleyway*

  • Emily Herschbein says:

    I Dreamed A Dream, by Lea Salonga

    I dreamed a dream in Miss Saigon
    Behind a drape
    Finger on trigger
    I dreamed that Kim would never die
    I dreamed that future roles would last
    Then I moved on to Eponine
    Died in the arms of one more lover
    The song we sung was very sad
    But then I died, and he moved on

    Almost a total decade later
    My agent offered me Fantine
    I said “yes” before I realized
    This time I die before Act Two

    • Emily Herschbein says:

      I dreamed a dream in time gone by
      When hope was high
      And life worth living
      I dreamed that love would never die
      I dreamed that God would be forgiving
      Then I was young and unafraid
      And dreams were made and used and wasted
      There was no ransom to be paid
      No song unsung, no wine untasted

      But the tigers come at night
      With their voices soft as thunder
      As they tear your hope apart
      And they turn your dream to shame

  • Douglas Braverman says:

    A WHOLE NEW SHOW
    (Sung to “A Whole New World”)

    I can show you a show
    Full of excess and paddin’.
    They put Disney’s ALADDIN
    Up on stage, but it’s been done.

    It’s recycled and known,
    Though it has lots of smart tunes,
    Still, like most Disney cartoons,
    When it’s live,
    It’s much less fun.

    A whole new show!
    A brand new play is what we need!
    A work we’ve never seen
    On stage or screen,
    Not some reworked ALADDIN!

  • KENI FINE says:

    NOONE’S GONNA CLOSE YOU!
    Lyrics by KENI FINE Sung by Stephen Sondheim

    NOONE’S GONNA CLOSE YOU, NOT WHILE I’M AROUND,
    NOONE’S GONNA CLOSE YOU, NO SIR, NOT WHILE I’M AROUND,
    SONDHEIM IS WORSHIPPED EVERYWHERE, NOWADAYS,
    AIN’T BOOK OF MORMON, BUT YOU KNOW, I GOT WAYS…

    NOONE’S GONNA CLOSE YOU,
    NOONE’S GOT THE NERVE
    TOURISTS MAY NOT FIND YOU,
    BUT YOU GIVE THEM MORE THAN THEY DESERVE.

    PRODUCERS MAY PULL OUT WITH A WORD,
    SO I’VE HEARD,
    BUT YOU’RE MINE!
    NOONE WILL CLOSE YOU,
    NOT WHILE I’M AROUND!

  • Ellen says:

    A must see that I would love to must see. Thanks for the giveaway Ken!

  • Fran says:

    Apologies to Sondheim. Here’s my version of Too Many Mornings from Follies

    Too many workshops
    Wasted in pretending they’re going to move
    Thousands of Workshops
    Dreaming of Broadway
    All those readings,
    All those lofts
    And church basements
    So sure
    This one’s gonna move.

    Too many workshops
    Wishing that the room would be filled with backers
    Backers with their checkbooks
    Investing all their dough.
    All the rehearsals I thought would never end
    All those walkups I had to climb
    All those readings where I’d hope to see
    Davenport sitting in a chair
    Daryl Roth coming in the door
    Bob Boyette on the left
    And here’s the Schuberts and the Nederlanders.

    If the show doesn’t move, I think I’m going to die.
    How I wrote
    How I re-wrote
    All those scripts
    Sent to all those actors
    So many auditions
    So many call backs
    So much time spent
    Wondering if …
    How I planned tonight
    How many I invited
    How many are going to show?
    Will we ever move?
    Will we ever be on Broadway?

    Too many workshops
    Wasted in pretending we’re gonna move.
    How many readings
    Are there still to come?
    How much longer will I wait?
    How much longer will I climb
    Up all those damn stairs.
    How many workshops
    Is it going to take
    How many workshops
    Till I reach Broadway.

  • Alex B. says:

    Just pee.
    Where you wanna pee.
    Never let em tell you where you outta pee.
    Just pee. With dignity.
    Celebrate your pee triumphantly.

    “Just Be” Kinky Boots

  • Dan K says:

    Margaret:
    Come on, Babe,
    We’re gonna tour Florence.
    And all that piazz!

    We’ll take in all the sites
    The tour book recommends.
    And all that piazz!

    Start to stroll,
    I’m in a touristy mood.
    Here is a public mall
    Where the statues’r nude.
    I know you like to stare
    At stone boys that are bare.
    And all–
    That–
    Piazz!

    Company:
    Ohhhh,
    She’s gonna see her ditzy daughter freak!

    Margaret:
    And all that piazz!

    Company:
    Ohhhh,
    Her daughter’s gonna freak until next week!

    Margaret:
    And all that piazz!

    (Clara meets Fabrizio)

    Company:
    Now she’s flirtin’ with a local.
    Oh, her mama’s gettin’ vocal
    ‘Cause she sees
    Her baby sleaze
    With all–
    That–
    Piazzzzzzzzz…

    Fabrizio:
    Your milk! Your milk!

    Clara:
    What?

    Fabrizio:
    Your milk! Your milk!

    Clara:
    I’m sorry–I don’t understand you.

    Fabrizio (touching her skin):
    Milk! Milk! Your milk!

    Clara:
    Oh! You mean my skin.

    Fabrizio:
    Si! Si! Your milk! I want…to cream…on your milk!

    Clara:
    What?!?

    Margaret (grabbing Clara away from Fabrizio):
    Let’s go, Babe,
    We’re gonna fly to France.
    And all that piazz!

    Company:
    And all that piazz!

    Margaret:
    I’m puttin’ on the brakes
    On this Latin romance!
    And all that piazz!

    Company:
    And all that piazz!

    Margaret:
    Sorry, Hon,
    But you never can wed
    Because when you were young
    A pony kicked ya in the head.
    And so I shoulder blame
    And play a tricky game
    And all–
    That–

    No!
    She’s no one’s bride.
    So, I’ll lock her inside
    From all
    That
    Piazz!

    Company:
    That piazz!

  • Emily Herschbein says:

    A Drama Teacher, to the tune of An English Teacher from Bye Bye Birdie.

    A Drama teacher, a Drama teacher
    If only I’d been a Drama teacher
    I would not have to live with my mom
    My jobs would be more consistent
    And I would have some money
    A girl who’s got her masters
    In Education
    Has job prospect, not just auditions
    It could have been such a successful life
    Teaching kids to have big dreams like mine
    Not depressing off-Broadway,
    Not stuck-in-ensemble reality,
    But chorus girl’s failed dreams!

    • Emily Herschbein says:

      An English teacher, an English teacher.
      If only you’d been an English teacher
      We’d have a little apartment in Queens
      You’d get a summer vacation
      And we would know what life means
      A man who’s got his masters
      Is really someone
      How proud I’d be if you had become one
      It could have been such a wonderful life
      I could have been Mrs. Peterson
      Mrs. Albert Peterson,
      Mrs. Phi Beta Kappa Peterson,
      The English teacher’s wife!

  • Emily Herschbein says:

    I’m just having too much fun with this. Here’s my version of “Rock Island” from “The Music Man.”

    Proud Father: She’s a Broadway Star
    Curious Cousin: She’s a what?
    Incredulous Nephew: She’s a what?
    Proud Father: She’s a broadway star and she sings her heart out with the pit orchestra and the ensemble and her heart-throb male
    lead, big barass voice, big brass voice, and they sing duets, they sing duets with cool costumes, too with an overdone face
    of makeup and a wig that’s as long as . . .
    Curious Cousin: Well, I don’t know much about shows but I do know you can’t make a living on the Great White Way, no sir.
    Television, perhaps and here and there a movie …
    Proud Father: No, my girl does live shows, Musicals. I don’t know how she does it but she sings and she acts and she cries onstage
    and smiles and she kisses and shines and when my girl dances, certainly boys, what else? The production pays her! Yes sir ,yes
    sir,yes sir, yes sir, when my girl dances, certainly boys, what else? The production pays her! Yessssir, Yessssir.
    Envious Uncle: But she didn’t go to College!

    • Emily Herschbein says:

      2nd Salesman: He’s a music man
      1st Salesman: He’s a what?
      3rd Salesman: He’s a what?
      2nd Salesman: He’s a music man and he sells clarinets to the kids in the town with the big trombones and the rat-a-tat
      drums, big barass bass, big brass bass, and the piccolo, the piccolo with uniforms, too with a shiny gold braid
      on the coat and a big red stripe runnin . . .
      1st Salesman: Well, I don’t know much about bands but I do know you can’t make a living selling big trombones, no sir.
      Mandolin picks, perhaps and here and there a Jew’s harp …
      2nd Salesman: No, the fellow sells bands, Boys bands. I don’t know how he does it but he lives like a king and he dallies
      and he gathers and he plucks and shines and when the man dances, certainly boys, what else? The piper pays him! Yes sir ,yes
      sir,yes sir, yes sir, when the man dances, certainly boys, what else?The piper pays him! Yessssir, Yessssir
      Charlie: But he dosen’t know the territory!

  • Adam Shaff says:

    “Any Words Will Do”
    A parody of Joseph and the Amazingly long title.
    Sung to the tune of “Potiphar”

    Joseph can’t have any chest hairs.
    Must have abs like he’s in Broadway Bares!
    Most Lloyd Webber shows are known for their
    Longevity…

    (Except this one, it’s only 90 minutes)

    The last ten minutes, boy, are EVIL!
    The cast repeats the show against their will.
    Dance and sing and GROVEL: That’s a “mega mix!”
    (Felines?!)

  • KENI FINE says:

    And while we’re on the subject:

    “DO YOU OWE ME?” Written & Sung by Keni Fine
    (To the tune of: Do You Love Me?)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aONO8e5i018

    MR. RICK
    LOUIE, I’ve decided to sell the cafe and open a little crepe stand on the Rue de Bologne.

    LOUIE
    What? Monsieur Rick! That Rue has no view, absolutely none!

    MR. RICK
    It’s a new Rue, LOUIE, and a good view, too. I like it. And what’s more, my wallet likes it! It’ll be a lot less costly, no overhead. What can I say? It’s a new world, Louie, a new world. And by the way, I’ve been going over the books, and I think you’re a little short.

    LOUIE
    What? Monsier Rick, just because you are ze tall American string bean, doesn’t make it right to insult me zis way!

    MR. RICK
    No, Louie, not that short. I mean in the books, there’s an old ledger entry for 10,000 francs. You remember the bet?

    LOUIE
    What in ze heavens are you saying?

    MR. RICK
    Louie,
    DO YOU OWE ME?

    LOUIE
    DO I WHAT?

    MR. RICK
    DO YOU OWE ME?

    LOUIE
    DO I OWE YOU?
    WITH YOUR PRECIOUS MR. LAZLO
    AND ZE LOVER FROM PARIS
    IT WAS I, WHO STEPPED IN,
    SAVED ZE DAY, SET THEM FREE,
    IS ZIS IN YOUR ACCOUNTING?

    MR. RICK
    Louie, the interest is mounting-
    DO YOU OWE ME?

    LOUIE
    YOU’RE A FOOL!

    MR. RICK
    May-be…
    BUT DO YOU OWE ME?

    LOUIE
    DO I OWE YOU?

    MR. RICK
    Well?

    LOUIE
    FOR TWENTY FIVE YEARS
    I’VE SCHEMED WITH YOU
    TEAMED WITH YOU
    DREAMED WITH YOU,
    GIVEN YOU SHELTER,
    WATCHED YOUR BACK,
    AFTER TWENTY-FIVE YEARS,
    YOU SAY I’M NOT IN THE BLACK?

    MR. RICK
    LOUIE, THE FIRST TIME I MET YOU
    WAS OUTSIDE MY CAFE
    I WAS LEERY

    LOUIE
    I WAS HIGH

    MR. RICK
    SAM WAS PLAYING

    LOUIE
    SO WAS I

    MR. RICK
    WELL THE COLONEL AND HIS BROTHER
    SAID WE OUGHT TO HELP EACH OTHER,
    BUT NOW I’M ASKING, LOUIE,
    DO YOU OWE ME?

    LOUIE
    (Indignant!)
    I’M YOUR FRIEND!

    MR. RICK
    (Contrite)
    I know, it’s true, you’re right, and when you’re right, you’re right…
    BUT DO YOU OWE ME?

    LOUIE
    DO I OWE HIM?
    FOR TWENTY-FIVE YEARS
    I’VE LIED FOR HIM
    CRIED FOR HIM, NEARLY DIED FOR HIM,
    TWENTY FIVE YEARS, MY SHIELD IS HIS,
    IF THAT’S NOT GOLD, WHAT IS?

    MR. RICK
    STILL, YOU OWE ME?

    LOUIE
    IF YOU SAY I DO…

    MR. RICK
    WELL, I SUPPOSE I OWE YOU, TOO.

    BOTH
    IT DOESN’T END THE WARS,
    BUT EVEN SO
    APRES VENT CINQUE ANNEES,
    IT’S NICE TO KNOW.

    MR. RICK
    Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful musical.

  • Steve Hansen says:

    A Night With Janis Joplin:

    Busted flat most all my life, never caught a break
    Couldn’t even afford me some brand new clothes
    Giggin’ nearly all the time, everything I’d make
    Seemed to disappear straight up my nose
    Then I finally made myself a really bitchin’ record
    It was lookin’ like I might taste some success
    In no time flat ol’ Pearl went gold, millions and millions of copies sold
    Don’t ya know it was all posthumous

    Legend’s just another word for dead as a doornail
    Money always shunned me, honey, when I was alive, now, now
    Making mounds of moolah, Lord, all to no avail
    Y’know all I really want to do is see
    Who’s living offa me and my royalties

    Got called mean names in third grade, was an outcast high schooler
    They said I was plum ugly for a girl
    I broke out in acne, the names got even crueler
    I was maligned and called swine before Pearl
    The day I had a big hit Lord, I was the pride of Texas
    My hometown even went and had my likeness cast
    My sister wrote a play about me, now she’s drivin’ a Lexus
    Well, tell Port Arthur they can still kiss my . . . brass

    Irony’s just another word for ‘left some cash behind’
    Nothin’, is all I ever made off that LP
    Told that stupid town to stick it where the sun don’t shine
    Now half of Port Arthur is bourgeoisie
    Livin’ offa me and my royalties

    La da da, carry the one, la da da,da da
    La da da la da la I’m getting screwed
    La da da da da da da da times two
    La la la la la, my royalties, la
    La La la, la la la la la la
    La La la la la la la la la, hey now livin’ offa my royalties, yeah
    Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na na na na
    Hey now Mama now, my royalties, yeah
    You know they made this movie, they called it The Rose
    I said it’s my life story but heaven knows, now
    Never saw a dime, never got the time of day, yeah
    La na na na na na na na na na na na na na, now
    Livin’ offa my royalties, Lord!

  • Steve Hansen says:

    Ah . . . the above is done to the tune of Me and Bobby McGee.

  • James V says:

    (Maria from West Side Story. With apologies to the cast of Matilda)
    Matilda!
    I just heard a show called Matilda
    The shrieking and the bleats
    Are heard out on the streets
    Each night
    Matilda
    They’ve cast four young tykes in Matilda
    Their faces are all locked
    It’s like they been botoxed
    Each night
    Matilda

    It’s so loud when no musics playing,
    It’s so loud that you ask why you’re paying.
    Matilda
    I’ve’ now lost my hearing, Matilda!
    Matilda!
    Matilda! Matilda! Matilda Maaaaa-tilda
    Matilda!

    Matilda.
    I just heard a show called Matilda
    The Trumbull from Bri-tain
    Was re-cast with Paul Lynde
    Oh why?
    Matilda

    It’s so loud there’s a brand new Tony
    For a show that’s pure ca-co-oh-phony
    Matilda
    You’ll wish you were deaf at
    Matilda

    The noisiest show you ever heard.
    ma—Tilll—DAAAAAA!

  • Hal H says:

    Sung to “You Gotta Get a Gimmick”

    When you plan your revival
    If you want survival
    Forget all the glitter and tits
    No, you need a big TV star
    If you want to have a hit.

    You can say your show’s sassy
    And the strips are classy
    Promise they’ll all know the songs
    But you need a big TV star
    If you want to run for long.

    Bernadette and Lupone
    May scream big Broadway
    But tickets they don’t sell
    Putting Doogie in Hedwig may seem passé
    Til you hear that cashier’s bell!

    Polish up your Tony,
    Crowds will smell a phony
    Forget awards, they don’t pay the bills
    You need a big TV star
    If you want to fill the tills!

  • To the tune of “What Is This Feeling” from WICKED.

    A response to us fans who still want Idina Menzel and Kristen Chenoweth to do the film, in their original roles. Even if they make the film version in 20 years. Here’s what it would sound like.
    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    WHAT IS THIS CASTING?

    (Kristen,spoken) Dearest, darlingest Stephen Schwartz…
    (Idina, spoken) My dear Tony Awards…
    (Both) There’s some confusion of our being cast in the film
    (Idina) But of course I’ll hit those notes.
    (Kristen) But of course, I’ll rise above her notes!
    (Both) For we know you want us to reprise our roles. Yes. There’s been some confusion that Anne Hathaway is…
    (Kristen) Very much younger and probably better for the role of a prep school teen…
    (Idina) Gray.

    (Kristen) What is this casting, so right and wrong now?
    (Idina) I saw it the minute you did Glee.
    (Kristen) Your brow needs Botox.
    (Idina) Your teeth need replacing.
    (Kristen, speaking) Your face needs lifting.
    (Both) What is this feeling? Fervid as a flame, does it have a name? Yes….

    Aging! Unmistakable aging!
    (Kristen,spoken) In your face,
    (Idina, spoken) your voice,
    (Kristen) your walker!
    (Both) Let’s just say–your old as hell! Every little trait like a hag makes your flesh wrinkle and sag, simply literal aging! There’s a strange exasperation.
    In such total degeneration. It’s so putrid,so wrong!
    Though I do admit,it came on fast,
    still I do believe we are wrongly cast. And I will be aging, aging the whole shoot long!

  • James V says:

    *Trunchbull

  • SWEETIE PIE, THE DEMON BARKER OF FLEA STREET

    ATTEND THE TAIL OF SWEETIE PIE
    SHE LOOKED SO SWEET BUT IT’S A LIE
    SHE LICKED THE FACES OF GENTLEMEN
    WHO NEVER THEREAFTER WOULD WALK HER AGAIN
    BEWARE HER TEETH NONE COULD COMPARE
    OUR SWEETIE PIE, THE DEMON BARKER OF FLEA STREET

    HER OWNERS LIVED IN LONDON TOWN
    AND HER OWNERS ALWAYS WORE A FROWN
    AND NONE OF THEIR HOUSE GUESTS COULD BE SAVED
    CAUSE SWEETIE PIE
    WAS ALWAYS SO ILL BEHAVED OUR SWEETIE,
    OUR SWEETIE PIE THE DEMON BARKER OF FLEA STREET

    OPEN YOUR JAW SO WIDE, SWEETIE
    TIME TO GRAB YOUR PRIZE
    BITING THOSE WHO SMELL SO GOOD IN EV’RY SIZE

    BEHIND THE BED, BY THE WALL
    SHE SLEPT AND ATE SHE DID IT ALL
    THEY KEPT HER LEASH RIGHT BY HER SMALL BED
    AT THE END OF EACH WALK, ANOTHER FELL DEAD
    HER MASTERS THEY JUST LOOKED AWAY
    DID SWEETIE PAY, THE DEMON BARKER OF FLEA STREET

    AS FEROCIOUS AS SWEETIE WAS
    QUIET AS A MOUSE SHE WAS
    IN HER BROWN EYES, BEHIND HER BARK
    .SWEETIE JUST WANDERED ALONE IN THE DARK
    SWEETIE DESTROYED AND SWEETIE DINED
    AND THEY LET HER OUT BECAUSE SHE WHINED
    SWEETIE WAS CUTE, SWEETIE WOULD CUDDLE
    SWEETIE WOULD GROWL AND MEN WOULD HUDDLE
    SWEETIE, SWEETIE, SWEETIE, SWEETIE

    ATTEND THE TAIL OF SWEETIE PIE
    SHE LIVED THE LIFE OF A HUNGRY DOG
    WHAT HAPPENS NEXT IS IN OUR BLOG
    SO NOW WE SHALL KEEP YOU ALL IN A FOG. FOR SWEETIE
    FOR SWEETIE, THE DEMON BARKER OF FLEA STREET.

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